Thoughts, inspirations, wins, and more by Scientologirl

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Why Your Auditor Can’t Show You Empathy During an Auditing Session

December 21st, 2022

As an artist, woman, and nurturer by nature, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I mention this because likely one of the most annoying things I experienced early on around other independent Scientologists was the lack of empathy for others. Mostly, I think this was due to two reasons. The first, is that some independents have misunderstood words on the concept of empathy, so instead, they enforce responsibility but forget that people don’t know what they don’t know, thus how can we condemn the irresponsible for not knowing any better? I don’t know about anyone else, but before Scientology, I definitely wasn’t the most responsible for any dynamic at the time.

The second reason is that most of the people I was communicating with at that time were auditors. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they a). Know the mechanics around the mind and charge so well that they recognize it for what it is, and b) are trained to not empathize in session, both of which get carried over outside of session. But why are they trained not to empathize in session anyway?

This was a sore point for me in some cases, I’ll admit. Before enough auditing happened, I’ll say that sometimes the charge was so much that I had a victim valence in some sessions. When that happens, the natural expectation is for the person in front of you who you have just confided in, to empathize with you and give you sympathy. When that isn’t achieved, it can cause a major ARC break because, well, your auditor isn’t communicating with you that he feels sorry for you, which can be out-reality, and thus your affinity drops.

Now, Jon is my auditor, and 2D, you can imagine how that went early on! As my bridge journey continued though, it became more and more clear why auditor sympathy is a terrible idea. The short answer to why your auditor can’t sympathize with you or show you empathy is because it’s an evaluation. In other words, your auditor would be expressing his agreement with your aberration, which is about as good as it gets with a shrink. It’s also dangerous because then one gets into the habit of seeking sympathy, and thus your auditor becomes interesting to you, instead of interested. When that happens, there are likely other problems in session where the auditor might be agreeable past just acknowledging and responding with indications. You as a PC need to be interested in your own case, not interested in the auditor (including causing him an effect, making him sympathize, making him agree with you, or telling him what you think he wants to hear). When you’re interested in the auditor more than your own case, you will either progress very slowly or not at all.

What’s further damaging is that if your auditor doesn’t give you the attention you want, it will create so many ARC breaks that will make it impossible to get you in session talking about your case because you’ll just be handling rudiments so much. There’s also the problem of sympathy given before a cognition so you never arrive at your cognition, because if your auditor goes into an agreement with it, surely he/she knows best. What’s more, is that you’ll then either withhold yourself from the cog or you will resist expressing a new opinion for fear of letting your auditor down by now disagreeing with a prior agreement.

Another major liability in auditor sympathy/agreement is wrong items/out-lists. I once had a wrong item that seriously caved me in to the point that I got sick, so wrong items are really no joke. This was an item I had given myself, but boy, it could have been much worse with auditor agreement and sympathy, because it’s an evaluation that "I am right and the answer is what I gave." The mass just pulls right in when that’s actually not the answer. I’m glad I had that experience because now I can kind of tell for the most part when I have an out-list.

I likely haven’t covered all there is about auditor sympathy and agreement, however just these alone should leave you, the PC, ONLY interested in your case and willing to talk to the auditor, and to demand correct auditing with excellent TRs, without unusual adages like sympathy, agreement, and anything other than what’s per policy.

Auditors, remember, policies were created with hard-won experience, not just random thoughts. Don’t reinvent the wheel, keep it standard per policy for your PCs, and never desire to be liked or admired. There’s a lot one can do to keep ARC in without resorting to handling the communication by being interesting.

I wanted to write this because it can feel invalidating when really charged up to have someone not just let you itsa, or they give you an acknowledgment without validating the pain felt, and I never really understood why sympathy or agreement couldn’t be given. Now I know, and now you do too.

Have a great session!

Big Cognition About Pulling Things In

August 5th, 2022

I just had a big realization on something and I needed to write about it. It’s been a while! I’m currently working and studying full-time, hence my posts are few and far between.

But back to the realization: I had known for some time that we pull things in, and that which we put our attention on sticks and likely becomes a postulate if we don’t change it. What has been amazing, however, is being able to actually see that take place more vividly lately, and I also feel like that which we do in a higher tone is more likely to come true than in a lower tone.

Before I explain, I also want to add that it seems as one goes up the Bridge, either our ability to perceive these occurrences increases, or the universe has less of a comm lag. I say this when viewing my own experiences in work especially - when my tone is low for the day, so it is with my income, even if I put on a happy face. What’s also great about this is that I can spot it and almost instantly begin to fix it by it blowing on inspection thus I put myself in a better mood and all is fine again income-wise.

I laugh at myself when I think of the past - how I used to stress about money, which made me have even less money, which made me stress more and so it went until I just disagreed with it.

Getting back to “that which we do in a higher tone is more likely to come true than in a lower tone” - I have had anxiety about many things in life that simply never came to pass. Anxiety is a very low state/tone. Action, Enthusiasm, Strong Interest, Postulates - these are all much higher states/tones and so when one is doing any action happily, you are more likely to reach your goal not only quicker, but also the result of the activity is better.

It all sounds lovely except for one thing - some things we can be in very high tones about but they are actually out-ethics or low-toned activities. When we do this, we actually create our own personal hell. Think of any addiction, greed, lying, theft, lust etc. Some of these things give us a rush, or they “seem” like they aid our survival at that time, but really they do the opposite. When we put so much good energy (high-tonedness) into something so low and out-ethics, we pull in negative things much faster and worse than if we had just done them in a lower tone.

Consider that at death there is no motion, which means no energy. Then as we go up, there’s more motion, more energy. So speed definitely plays a roll. Consider how fast addicts age! Being high-toned about low-toned things is about as self-sabotaging as you could get. And this world is RIDDLED with traps to do so. Cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, gambling, junk food, porn, shopping, gaming, television etc.

This is why it is so important to try and live as much of an ethical life FOR YOURSELF as possible, is because we literally pull in that which we desire/are high-toned about, and if the highest toned we can be is by doing very low-toned things, we’re done. We never had a chance here.

But if we can focus being high-toned about high-toned things, what differences we could make in our lives and the lives of others!

So, friends, I don’t know if LRH wrote about this very thing and I’ve just done a very poor job at explaining it eloquently, but I believe the above to be true because I have seen it so much within my life and in those around me.

Therefore, the secret to getting ANYTHING you want, is to just be higher-toned about it than you are anything else. I am very serious when I say this. My own success in life has given me a comparable magnitude on the things I used to do vs what I do now and also in observing my days and tones and the statistics that follow more closely.

Keep yourself in a high-tone, and you’ll never have to worry about a thing! Disconnect from toxic people, do what you love doing in life, stay ethical so you don’t fall into suppressive traps as mentioned above, and I promise you will live an extraordinary life. And when you get there, please would you pay it forward? You could save someone’s life by sharing Independent Scientology with them.



Lights representing our entanglement with other beings

Wins, wins and more wins, oh and addressing the whispers…

18th May, 2022

Guys! I had SUCH incredible wins from this last session on L11. I’m kind of a strange PC I guess, in that I generally focus on this life more than past lives (possibly because of being past-life clear), but this session was very different and I had almost perfect recall on the incidents.

I saw how there are different “factions” or rather, a long lineage of types of beings (the apparency anyway) that are now on this planet - these were essentially agreements made a long long time ago. These identities became somewhat solid and even though we don’t remember the names (I know them to be names from two races here currently on Earth), we know them by their actions.

I was able to see how the reason why we’re still here “trapped” is because of our own agreements - these create bonds (solidity) with other beings and considerations (engrams, primarily) which keep us here, as for anything to persist, there needs to be a lie! What’s more is that considerations are senior to the physical universe, thus we have all these self-created bonds as agreements entrapping us here just under our awareness.

The solution is simple - admire it! Admire things as much as you can and perhaps one day you and I will find ourselves outside of the entanglement.

There is a catch, however. In order to admire something, one needs to have a reality of it - when one has occluded their own knowingness through self-deception by making the bad things we’ve done easier to digest, that can be very difficult to do, especially by oneself.

Auditing, auditing, auditing. Whoever is reading this at this present moment, including me as the person writing this, we are still here because there are things still not understood and not yet admired. The future is one thing, but we have ways to unburden our cases so we may admire more of life, others, and ourselves through auditing, and there is no time like the present to fix it.

You may think to yourself things like “well, LRH says I can’t be aberrated in this life time” or that you’ll just fix things next life or that you’ve fixed all you can this life time, however, what’s true for me is that we’ve been down this road more times than I can say and the cycle keeps repeating by keeping ourselves attached to these “bonds,” therefore we must handle these attachments.

It would be lovely to think that today’s enemies or pains or aberrations won’t be with us next life time, but at least for me, that’s not true, and the best way to handle this is to separate oneself from those agreements through auditing. I’ll get back to these wins in a bit, but for now…

I have had something weighing on me for the last week that I wanted to share with anyone who is interested. I had someone share some information publicly about me and my past (which was a half truth) that I only recently found out about two years later. I understand that these words which were said in confidence to one of the two parties involved (who is an auditor, sadly), were put out there without my knowledge to lessen me in some way.

Without being too general, the secret told was that I was diagnosed as bipolar with a 4-year track of taking psych meds. At first glance, I suppose any wog would look at everything I’ve written above and assume I’m “just as mad as LRH was,” - but we aren’t wogs, are we?

So I had to read two “Scientologists” go into agreement with the psychiatric industry as it furthered their goal of minimizing my worth and voice in the independent field -which some might argue “I’m still too new” for anyway.

I would very much like to set the record straight, for those who have wondered. It is true that I was diagnosed by a psychiatric hospital as having the lesser form of bipolar disorder, however, there are many outpoints surrounding the situation (not to mention, again, we’re Scientologists, right?)

Primarily, I had been in an abusive relationship just prior to first self-diagnosing, and then telling the psychiatrist that “I think I am bipolar.” She then had me read the DSM for my “symptoms” and I agreed with her. I was on these meds for about 3-4 months and then I stopped when I found Scientology, because I never wanted to be a slave to that suppressive system, but didn’t know that anything else existed at the time to “fix” mental health.

Prior to that, I was on antidepressants for about 6 months (a year prior to my bipolar diagnosis). I kept stopping my meds, or as they say “defaulting,” because it felt wrong. I always went in by my own determinism, and I always stopped my meds by my own determinism. I never had suicidal tendencies, or did anything “crazy.” I simply wanted to feel better because at the time, I was rollercoastering through suppression in an abusive environment.

If we are going to minimize people who have histories of trying to better themselves in whichever way they knew prior to doing Scientology, is that the Scientologist’s way? If so, I must be doing a different kind of Scientology.

To the two people who tried to shame me, I want you to know that if there was any chance at all, I’d want to be friends with you just to help you see that while you think you are solving problems, you’re creating worse ones for you, because you’re going into agreement with entheta, not kindness or admiration, therefore it will persist with you. I want you to know, as I know you read my blog, that I have no covert intentions when I say let it go, and you will feel peace you’ve not felt this lifetime. Hate is solid, and you destroy more of you than you destroy of me when you do it. What could you admire about me and Jon?

I mention this as part of my wins because I am no longer angry or bitter at these people, I feel bad for them honestly. I know what it’s like to hate, to feel like one must have opponents and to have that be one’s only “pleasure” - it’s so much less fulfilling than free-flowing happiness. It feels amazing to just let it go, and that is my ONLY wish for these people, that they find it within themselves to let it go, whatever “it” is to them.

On a lighter note, as one of my wins, it damn near brings me to tears (good tears) when I think about this miraculous journey with Scientology this lifetime. I can’t tell you just how much I’ve grown as a person, or rather, discovered who I have been all this time. I used to be so scared of the world while trying to put on a brave face simply because my integrity wouldn’t let me run away, but oh, I have run away from many things just under my awareness.

As an example, when we first started auditing, I was terribly afraid of just holding the cans when plugged in! We didn’t start auditing until a few weeks passed! Now, when Jon says “anything you care to say or ask before we end this session,” generally my first response is, “aw do we really have to stop?!”

I know I’m not there just yet (almost) but I already feel pretty OT with all the cognitions, or “seeing” into the future and “feeling” vibes etc. Mostly, I think my biggest win is just how much of life I can admire, and how much I can be consistently happy. I’m doing more than ever, and my abilities as a creative person have skyrocketed! I have also found my purpose in life which is huge!

In general, I feel like me as a spirit and my space are both so much cleaner and lighter, and I have so much more love, tolerance and understanding for others. I was telling Jon recently about how I used to talk about caring for others because I knew it was the right thing to do, but that was just a logical thing, and it had limited emotion attached to it, whereas now, I feel SO much compassion for all beings past, present and future, as we’re all just trying to survive as a basic purpose, and that purpose sometimes just gets confused, but beings are SO worthy of being loved anyway, because we’re so incredibly special.

That brings me to another win - I am just about ready for my OT levels. I say ready like that because I used to be scared of flying solo, which is how I know I wasn’t ready before. I have so much more confidence in my abilities and certainty that I know I’ll be just fine. Also, I realized that this entire time, I was reaching Clear for ME, and even though I read it several times before, I would only fully have this immense conceptual understanding of it now that I am where I am, and see fully how now, it’s time to help others as I approach my OT levels.

Guys, I’m just so happy, I’m winning at life, and it’s beautiful up here. Join me?


Just Breathe

9th May, 2022

Probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to do as an independent Scientologist was to “just suck it up” or only handle things in session when I’ve felt hurt, insecure, or wronged, because we all know we don’t do that victim stuff here -No, we’re responsible and ethical and shouldn’t seek to be liked or admired, per the Code of Honor, for one. There’s also the whole “ARC breaks stem from missed withholds which stem from overts” to consider as well.

Often times, this left me feeling frustrated and alone, almost trapped. So many times, I wanted to just reach out to our community and be like “I’m not doing so great,” which would have naturally ended in me being told I’m not being responsible for something. I know this because if it wasn’t directly said, it was insinuated.

So yes, it can be a pretty lonely and isolating feeling and at times, I really wondered if we were a community at all, if we could praise our wins, but frown and be critical of each others’ shortcomings. Human compassion and empathy sometimes seemed to be the last thought because Scientology has all the answers, so why not find them? Be Theta the solver, not Theta the problem, right?

I wrestled with this for a long time and wondered what was the point of making us better beings if we don’t love our fellow men and women, and help them grow not because we want to change them, but because we care about their wellbeing? The realization was that even though there are some that would like us to think we have no friends, and they may very well do a very good job at convincing our remaining friends that we’re all bad, there is actually only a handful of these folk, and there’s one thing that can never be taken away from us unless we freely give it: our considerations.

Two years ago and untrained in independent Scientology, I stood up against some bullies because I considered it was the right thing to do. As a child, I was bullied so not only do I know what it feels like, I know what it looks like. The only problem was that I started getting really sick really fast - headaches, tummy troubles, and my eczema got worse…

I was PTS to these bullies and they got the better of me. We could go deeper and look at earlier similars and overts etc, but that’s beyond the scope of my point. I wanted support from others, I wanted an acknowledgement that what they were doing was wrong, and I wanted justice, but alas, nothing ever came. I then had a few failed purposes and got depressed, which stalled me on my case for a few months.

In all that time, I allowed them to get in my head, to destroy my peace, and to disrupt my progress up the Bridge, but since then, I have learned several things.

  • I’ve learned the point above reiterated: nobody can take away or change our considerations unless we allow them to
  • Arguing with people essentially is in part a form of agreement
  • I’ve learned that you CANNOT win with an insane person - or rather, the apparency of “winning” isn’t possible.
  • There are some things I can control, and other things the universe controls. I know that to every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, and I don’t need to be the reaction, because people cause their own personal hell through aberration (essentially lies/alter-isness). In fact, if I decide to react, that immediately puts me at effect and causes my own aberration
  • I don’t know it all
  • I don’t need to control everything

There are flows to this universe, and I don’t just mean in the LRH sense in communication (although that is definitely a flow). What goes up, must come down. There’s day and night, life and death, and infinite polarities in our perceivable reality. Even LRH knew this when he said every solution has another problem to it. Someone’s high today, will be their low tomorrow.

I mention this because I have reached a miraculous point in life where my time, my thoughts, and my efforts are less and less dictated by the entheta from others. I realized that when I decided to do some art recently instead of curl up in a ball when I was given bad news designed to enturbulate.

At the end of the day, people are critical, hostile, unjust and invalidating because of their own considerations and I/we don’t need to be party to that. Sometimes it really is the goal of others to see us suffer and to see us fail, even if that’s so wild to believe - that basically good beings could act this way. It really is true though, and no amount of talking, crying, reasoning, hating, or blaming will ever resolving it because again, you can’t reason/win with the insane.

The only thing you can do is what LRH has said before, cultivate your own peace, happiness and abundance by flourishing and prospering. There were some very lovely independents who recommended this to me early on, but I wasn’t ready for it yet - thank you, nonetheless, and thank you for reading.

Don’t let the buggers get ya down!


Be Flowy, Not Stoppy!

2nd May, 2022

Today I had the unfortunate displeasure of reading a very detailed doubt condition that was shared to everyone BUT the person it was on as a form of third party disguised as “personal ethics.” Of course, I don’t need to tell any Scientologist that’s Covertly Hostile in Tone.

All these things said in the condition got me thinking about my own case and things I’ve done to others over my 32 year existence, and to be honest, some things are not pretty - but it’s what we’re in Scientology for, right?

I’ve also thought of others who I’ve known in different situations and again, some of those situations were not pretty either.

With that said, there are sometimes reasons for our behavior that we don’t immediately see. I’d love to romanticise LRH’s words about being causative and completely responsible for everything, but we’ve all walked paths where we chose to do the wrong thing based on our environments and cases. We’ve made decisions at the time that we thought were right, and we held those positions regardless of whether the truth stared us in the face or not.

I remember I used to be around certain people and do the wrong things, and I lived with those regrets for a long time before auditing. None of these things am I proud of, but they were my things nonetheless, and the saying “certain people bring out the worst in us” couldn’t be truer for me. Of course, there is always personal responsibility to consider, but we don’t know what we don’t know.

My question is, when another being is beating themselves up over things, why do we want to help them feel better? And when another being is NOT beating themselves up for things, why do we want to make them feel worse? Well, not all of us are that way at least - only those operating off of destruction and the need to feel superior through making others propitiate.

What’s true for me is that we can be “bad” people around certain people, but just like the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp case, I prefer to judge the ones being covertly hostile (such as by recording “damning” evidence of someone over a period of time while pretending to be friends with the person). When something destructive is premeditated covertly while being coy and friendly with that person, it’s obvious there are evil intentions, and that should tell one everything one needs to know about the situation. I understand, however, that life is not black and white.

Likely the greatest gift Scientology has given back to me has been my ability to not hate anyone, but to understand that people have evil intentions or do wrong things because they don’t understand something. There is no reason or room for judgment here, they simply don’t understand something and it is not up to us to force them to understand either. This goes in line with granting beingness and causing things only easily experienced.

I guarantee that this person who has written about so many people in such a critical light is very unhappy, as they are causing effects not easily experienced by others and they are not willing to experience anything, thus they felt it necessary to spend so much time and effort on stopping things and creating opponents while interiorizing themselves in the process.

I’d be lying if I said a part of me wasn’t somewhat frustrated when these things happen outside of the Church, but my better judgment tells me that I can’t be frustrated because people don’t know what they don’t know, and overts make one blind. These kinds of acts against another being can be seen as normal as you and I eating cake. Unfortunately, they’re not “normal” and there are right ways and wrong ways of living according to the natural law that has always existed and will always exist in this universe.

Every time I have been angry, hostile, scared, or any other reactive tone I have noticed that it directly and indirectly creates some form of solidity in me or my life. Resisting problems has also contributed to that solidity and so I aim now to always keep things flowy and I do that by trying to understand, and that’s achieved by not being resistive through reactivity.

So come what may, I will always consider this life to be a learning experience with so many problems that one can grow from, as opposed to seeing problems as solid barriers that can’t be overcome. I will also always try to remind my friends that and uplift them where I can.

Hold me to it.

Be flowy not stoppy! :D


My Addiction
26th April, 2022

As always, I try to stick to subjects I have personal experience with and so must confess right at the start, I am an addict. It doesn’t really matter what the drug of choice is, the point is that I have struggled with confronting life as it comes naturally and have instead relied on external factors from myself to provide me with the necessary tools to cope, and they have not been healthy ones.

I’ll tell you what my drug of choice is anyway: dopamine. I know as a Scientologist I am not supposed to “believe” in brain chemicals but above all else, I am a free-thinker and have seen for myself how substances do affect the mind and thus create dependency, and the most logical answer is that chemicals do play a role in how we feel and how we experience life. That takes nothing away from my understanding and knowingness of things like the Tone Scale, it simply compliments it for me.

But getting back on point, I have been an addict since I was about 6 years old. Now, in this blog post, we’re going to be dealing with some heavy stuff so if you trigger easily from reading about childhood trauma, I should probably put a “trigger warning” here and tell you to tread with caution. I have not had the worst of childhoods but it was enough to leave me with some things I needed to handle in session nonetheless.

So! Just like with my cult upbringing post, it’s time for some open-book honesty stuff! I was born with eczema (a skin condition) which is an allergy-based skin disorder. I was not allowed to eat all the lovely things that other kids used to eat, such as chocolates or cake or sweets. Heck, some fruits, meats and vegetables were also forbidden.

School functions, friend’s birthday parties, and carnivals were especially difficult but those weren’t the only places that were hard, I’d argue that the hardest place was actually at home of all places. To reiterate an earlier statement about my parents before I continue, I love them dearly and I know they did the best job they knew how to do.

Even though I had allergies to so many things, my parents still brought things in the home that I couldn’t eat. For a kid that was on an indefinite diet of plain vegetables, plain chicken and limited fruit, this felt like torture! No justifiers here, it is what it is!

Thus, I started to develop an unhealthy relationship with food which really was a must-have/can’t have, to the point that I started sneaking around “stealing” whatever I could in the fridge and cupboards. I call it stealing because they called it stealing, but, was it really stealing? Other kids around me seemed to be able to take what they wanted out of their fridges, but I couldn’t, so it felt like a bit of a punishment. To top it, when my sins were found out, I regularly received hidings by either parent, sometimes both - and sometimes coupled with hair pulling or hidings with a wooden bat they called “Batman.”

I remember this one scene where I went to a birthday party and all the other kids were having cake and chips and I had carrot sticks and cucumbers on my plate. It’s funny now though. Another time was when I went Easter egg hunting on some Christian Easter thing at Church and my parents ate the eggs I found. Of course, life could have been way worse and I don’t want the sympathy, but I do appreciate the sentiment if you do feel for me. I just wanted to explain where my problems with addiction started.

Food gives me a rush, some more than others, and since those early childhood years I have struggled with maintaining a healthy weight. I have been underweight, and I have been overweight. Food has been a source of much anxiety as well as pleasure. It’s been my cortisol and my dopamine. I have also had verbal abuse about it which I have seen contributes to the problem, because when someone you love calls you names that relate to being fat or unhealthy even if one ISN’T fat, it’s restimulative and can cause one to derail all of one’s progress.

I know now that this is basically PTSness and that the reason why my weight has rollercoastered is because I was rollercoastering.

Now, I could have just said I was a food addict but I said I was a dopamine addict for a reason. My addiction wasn’t just to food, it was to anything that made me feel good, including alcohol, cigarettes, and people.

I have had issues with all of these things in the past and I’d be lying if I said I was absolutely cured of all my issues within only two years of doing independent Scientology, but this journey has worked more than anything else ever did in my life and there are very practical reasons as to why that is.

Taking responsibility for my O/Ws and recognizing my service facsimiles really helped increase my overall confront and responsibility level. You also can’t be PTS if you don’t have overts against the SP. Getting up the Bridge has also taken away so much of the things that used to make me reactive, thus I don’t feel like I need to confront life with so many of these things to try and stay sane. I also now know that these crutches one uses to confront life with do not actually make you more sane, they’re created to slowly decrease your sanity and leave you dependent for life.

In these two years, I finally quit smoking (which might not seem like a big deal to some, but it was huge to me), I also don’t have a problem with alcohol anymore and it actually feels strange to think that I used to. I also don’t have a problem with people anymore because I can actually recognize toxic people and traits and even toxic patterns within myself and steer myself away from those experiences because I know better now and more importantly, I love myself enough to say no to situations that don’t grow me as a person.

But yes, I do still have some case regarding certain foods that we’ll still handle but the changes in me are huge and I am so grateful to have found our org when I did, because not only will I live longer, I will also live a life of value and happiness and nothing is more precious than that to me.

I continue to surprise myself by just how enthusiastic I can be every single day instead of wondering what emotion/tone I’ll experience upon waking up. Happiness IS a choice, and for me, it all starts and ends with auditing.

Thank you for reading,



Past Life Clear vs. This Life Clear

18th April, 2022

When I first realized in session that I was a past-lifer, I kind of felt pressure to not be reactive anymore, and on the days I was reactive, I’d invalidate my gains and question myself over and over. At some point, I made the decision to just go with it instead of constantly self-coaching because I wasn’t doing Scientology to prove a point, so why was I trying to prove I was not reactive?

I come from an upbringing where certain family members would insist that I needed to be less sensitive, more tough, and to “just get on with it.” Somedays, it felt as if being beaten down into submission verbally until I was at Numb on the Tone Scale was the only “logical” thing for them to do. Needless to say, being less reactive was top priority for me, because I really wanted to just stop my emotions from consuming me so they couldn’t use my reactivity against me.

In short, for me, being past-life Clear didn’t mean I wasn’t reactive, it just meant my previous lives’ charge was off, but I needed to rehab things in this life.

Honestly, if I had just gotten the reactivity off it would have been plenty, but knocking off the reactivity of this life has brought me SO MUCH peace, happiness, and clarity. Even on the days where I might feel overwhelmed with something, I don’t act like the snake that eats its own tail, I just take it up in session. I laugh often, I sing around the house, and my creativity is at an all-time high whereas before, I’d not be enthusiastic about anything.

Now, I am literally enthusiastic and interested about little things like grabbing some fresh Basil from our herb garden to garnish a meal with, or learning some new method of doing art. Where people around me all seem to get regularly frustrated and thus think without clarity when problems arise, I am able to be calm and consider these problems as solvable challenges and fun games!

Don’t get me wrong, I DO care about the happiness of others but I don’t let their overwhelm boil over and affect me - I simply attempt to handle the problem analytically.

If all I did in this life-time was reach Clear, it would be worth it - however, I am excited to get officially onto the OT levels as well. I still can’t believe the person who I used to be vs. the person I am today! And guess what? I don’t need to put up a wall to keep others out, I don’t need to “try” to not be sensitive and I can freely express my emotions. I don’t need to be numb or unfeeling like I thought I should be. In fact, all I need to be is just be happy and the rest will sort itself out.

Some other gains I’ve had:

  • Realizing that “going clear” isn’t this instant thing, it’s a process from the moment you start your Scientology until you reach the State of Clear. In other words, it’s a gradient.
  • My ability to duplicate has increased remarkably!
  • My IQ has gone up by 6 points in one year
  • Moments of overwhelm are just that, moments, not days or weeks
  • I am getting better and better at the ability to just let things go
  • I realized that Grade 4 wouldn’t actually rid me of any future service facsimiles, but that now I had the ability to decide on my agreements, therefore I could get out of fixed states easily

Fellow being reading this, I can’t quite express to you just how much this life needs to be treated as an experience. “A thetan needs a game” is as true as “a thetan needs an experience,” and if you’re not here to experience everything you can, what are you here for? What would this life be without the ability to experience warm sunsets or good soup with a book on a rainy day? Or the feeling of undying affinity for our pets? And what of those fond memories we have as we were learning how to walk, talk, and love?

So if you’re here to experience life, experience it Clearly and happily and fully, and don’t let anyone or anything steal your sunshine. This life is truly beautiful, and if you don’t believe me, just trust that considerations are senior to the physical universe per LRH, so choose to be happy! :)

5th April 2022

The Color and the Shape

I find it strange when I see people say things like “Hubbard stole ideas from others” and “Scientology was derived from other religions” as if we live in an entirely different universe from Scientology, and not only that, LRH even went as far as saying many of his concepts were not new.

These people basically lack the ability to recognize similarities, differences and identities, because if they had that ability, they’d be able to see that this universe operates off of a certain code or pattern in which all things must obey it, and if not, it becomes aberrated (diverges from a straight line).

It is becoming more and more clear to me that the subject of Scientology, is basically the subject of ethics. I understand for organisational reasons, LRH separated ethics from tech and admin, but being ethical is about more than O/W write-ups and doing Conditions. Ethics is doing survival activities, and Scientology enhances one’s survival, thus Scientology IS ethics.

Ethics isn’t something created by LRH either. Sure, he had his own section of ethics because of what he thought was the greatest good for the group derived from observation, statistics and studies, but I’m talking about the very fabric of which ethics is comprised of.

Ethics is comprised of that same universal code or pattern we all intrinsically follow. Don’t believe me? Let’s do a little test. What shape do you think of when you think of the color red? Was it a triangle or square? And what about the color yellow? Was it a circle? Now think of what shape “sour” would be, guaranteed it definitely wasn’t round - it had points, didn’t it?

This is just one simple way to demonstrate that all life is connected, and we all operate off of the same laws. In this case, sharp/pointy things are dangerous to us so we associate it with warmer colors like red, whereas rounder things are safer. We’ve just basically proven that a single law can be applied to color, shape, and taste. Of course one can go on and on with it with our other remaining senses such as sharp sounds or triangles that smell like poop but you get the picture I’m sure!

My point is that there absolutely is a universal right way and a wrong way to live/survive and that the subject of Scientology has come as close as possible to the right way as it possibly could, and of course LRH took bits and pieces from other areas because those were the areas that worked, and they worked according to the universal code.

Here’s the real kicker though for me. I had a cog, which makes complete sense to me, that the more one strays from this code, the more blind one gets toward the code (because overts create blindness), thus one can’t even see or fathom the code anymore, which is basically diverging from ethics, becoming aberrated, and losing more and more the ability to recognise similarities, differences and identities (which is both sanity and intelligence).

Therefore, the ONLY logical and ethical way to survive well enough in this universe is to do as much unaltered Scientology as possible, because it helps us regain our abilities to be happier, more intelligent, and saner, because it really is a subject of ethics.

Also, if you already are doing as much as possible, don’t worry about those who think less of us as Scientologists or less of the subject. The subject is doing a great job of sifting out those who can recognize similarities, differences and identities from those who can’t.

I know the subject of ethics is a sore point for some Scientologists and I wanted to give a fresh perspective.

So stay ethical, friends.



AOGP's New Logo-

31st March, 2022

Why I decided not to make Scientologirl videos anymore, and why we’ve made changes to our org’s online image

You may have noticed I’ve moved away from making videos for a while and instead tried to work on marketing, blogs, and SEO. Believe it or not, I am 100% confident that this decision was in fact based off of my own personal growth as an independent Scientologist, and here’s why:

I actually didn’t go to college for any of the things you may have seen me do, such as digital art, video creation, marketing, graphic design, SEO etc. I was entirely self-taught and have learned a lot of these things on my journey with AOGP. One could say I was shooting from the hip and just super interested in seeing how much I could grow our organization with these tools.

The only problem is, if I actually went to study in a school, I might have learned a lot sooner that it’s not about what I want, it’s about what others want. Greens and Purples?? What was I thinking?!

When you’re introverted, I think considerations are more focused on flow 0: flow you to yourself. You want people to like your creates, but the problem is you’re more focused on what you think is agreeable vs. what everyone else thinks is agreeable. The result? Dev-T, continuous changes to things to try to fix the low stats, and thinking your creates are just not good enough.

There is always more data to acquire. Another blog post I wrote said I “failed to find out what was needed and wanted when starting projects” and that really has been the case. I actually don’t feel bad about my past failures because it’s really wonderful to observe the differences in me for myself from before and after Scientology.

Getting back to why I’m taking a pause on Scientologirl videos, it’s simple. 270 subscribers in 2 years vs. the amount of time and money spent (having subscriptions to sites for videos and music) doesn’t seem worth it anymore. Aside from that, I think I have as much content that’s necessary to show people the basics of Scientology.

But the main reason I stopped was when I had a realization about the types of people and their personality test graphs that have stayed with AOGP. The types of people who stayed had higher scores on their responsibility column on their graph, and they also weren’t coming from my videos. In fact, my videos were attracting more of the irresponsible, younger types.

After doing some statistical research, I found that the less responsible one is, the more prone one is to want immediate gratification, and the more stimulus one needs in order to stay interested. Videos, especially ones designed to cater to short attention spans (most of my videos are under ten minutes), were pulling in the wrong target demographic. I wanted to bring in new to Scientology people, but not completely irresponsible ones.

Before anyone judges me on “wasting” the irresponsible, please remember what I said earlier: the responsible ones are the ones who stay. I feel this is due to us being an online org - it’s so much easier to not show up online than not show up in person (as hard as that is to believe).

I owe our org’s improvement to my improvement, and I owe my improvement to things like the Data Evaluators Course, my auditing thus far (getting extroverted), admin tech, and most importantly: the application of ethics.

We’ve changed the entire website and our logo to be more inline with what’s typical from the type of organization we are, and we’ve been hard at work uploading tons of free content like books, lectures and tech references for auditors. Without selling AOGP too much, we want our website to be the go-to place for both newcomers and old-timers alike. We want you to feel confident in our efforts to provide standard, quality content that you can use freely. Jon is literally going through each reference to re-typeset all of them in their correct colors every single day (he’s going to make a blog post about this soon).

This post wasn’t made in expectation of anything, and it isn’t, but if you’d like to donate towards our efforts, you can do so here and it would be so appreciated!

I’m honestly so excited for the future of AOGP. Our wins just keep coming and our supporters keep growing in numbers. We would not have made it this far without you and everyone else reading, so thank you so much if you’ve ever shared, liked, commented, or spoke kindly about our organization. Thank you just for being here.

So much ARC,


22 March, 2022

OT Setups - Grade IV Completion Success Story

Guys, I just finished Grade IV! Just, wow! At the end of it I couldn’t stop laughing, I literally just laughed and laughed because the notion of what I had been doing all this time that was completely illogical had me in stitches at myself. I’m still struggling to keep it together!

Alright, so I know there’s a few of you who are actually following my journey up the Bridge so I feel like I owe it to you to share my madness with you. If you read my blog, you’ll know I had a Christian upbringing. A lot of who I am today was based on that upbringing.

There’s nothing wrong with having good morals and high ethics -IF it’s logical. Christians are taught from young that if you are a good person, you’ll avoid eternal damnation. This was repeatedly imprinted in me with many different threats, and yes, I took this stuff very seriously.

As a result, I’ve always tried to do the right thing, to be the good girl and walk in a straight line. I have been a hypocrite in some areas by trying to “help others right” too, so they too would avoid the “fires of hell" - even long after I had agreed to myself that Christianity was a load of rubbish that acted as an implant for keeping obedient slaves in line.

I carried this old moral compass with me even into independent Scientology and added to it with Scientology ethics. I didn’t really have a “why” attached to it like the why for Christians, but the reason I’d use was “it’s just the right thing to do,” - which is ridiculously funny when you consider the Grade IV question: “what do you use to make yourself right?” Another why was “it’s the greatest good.”

All of that really is fine, but where the real problem came in was in knowing that other-determinism when enforced aberrates others, and thinking that if I tell others to do an ethical thing and explain why, that I’d be justified in getting upset because it goes toward the greatest good and “it’s just the right thing to do.”

What I hadn’t noticed was that I hadn’t asked who’s right it was. If I didn’t believe in the Christian God anymore, it wasn’t the right thing to do for God, right? If I was aberrating the individual by trying to enforce what I think is ethical or “right”, without them exercising their own self-determinism and KRC, then it wasn’t the right thing for the individual, right? It was completely illogical for me to attempt to “fix” so many people’s problems by ultimately taking away their self-determinism.

A thetan will always try to hold his position in space, and the fundamental position in space is having a self-determined one. When we force a being to do something (even if it’s an ethical thing) and that being doesn’t understand why, we actually push that being further away from the ethical thing. That was why I laughed and laughed. I so desperately tried to help people be more right that it actually made them more wrong. I also realized that I was doing this to aid my survival in one way or another, and that the “it’s the right thing to do” thing was the justifier.

For a while, I have also been having this “one with the universe” mentality which made me want to be pan-determined over others. I have known for so long that society is going down, and LRH’s words “this may be our last chance” regularly resounds in my mind. It has been a huge weight on my shoulders to want to help as many people as possible and feeling like it is my responsibility to fix things. When I’m on course, I’m 50% student, and 50% co-exec, trying to spot any errors on check sheets etc. When I’m in session, I literally have to resist looking for auditor code breaks so that our PCs get the best possible service rendered to them in future. When I’m on social media, I have deleted comments in the past when I have been aggressive because it may aberrate another. I actually learned some of that KRC from Scott Gordon and Brian Cox - how they can be diplomatic with others who are clearly trying to cause a stir in their groups.

Anyway, I mention this stuff above because I’m sure you may have guessed it: I’m a little bit of a control freak. I’ve always had a way to justify why I am that way but after this win, I don’t think I need to anymore. I definitely don’t need to be angry at people anymore for not doing MY VERSION of “the greatest good” - and you have no idea how freeing that is. There was no logical reason for it and it really was a very stupid fixed state, that I’m so thankful to be out of.

To my wonderful auditor and husband Jonathan Burke, thank you for your patience with me, for keeping your TRs in as I confronted some parts to me I didn’t know existed. Thank you for delivering excellent auditing and being ARCful and understanding in the rough bits. I love you.

To LRH, wherever you may be, thank you for this tech, thank you for all of it, and thank you for being the being that you are.

And to you reading this, thank you for granting me the beingness to be myself, so that I may grow and prosper and flourish freely.


13th March, 2022

A Tribute to My Late Friend

I think people assume that I don’t support the psychiatric industry because “Scientology tells me so,” which isn’t the case. Aside from my own personal experiences in this suppressive system prior to finding independent Scientology, I actually had the experience of viewing it externally in a friend that passed away last year. Please excuse me if I appear to get a bit reactive in this post, there is a lot of anger I still need to deal with since she left, and her death still haunts me.

She was very much reliant on the system and it completely ruined her. She was a great girl. She went to college and had degrees. She was one of the most intelligent women I knew. The problem with Mandy* was that she listened to everything anyone else had to say about her except herself. She listened when her pastor told her she would go to hell if she didn’t stop sinning, she listened to the psychs when they diagnosed her with BPD, Bipolar, OCD, Depression and Anxiety, and she listened to her family when they said she was the problem. Thus, she stayed in her room day after day binge drinking while on several medications and she prayed and went to Church and hoped one day she would be normal.

But the saddest part of all, and the one thing that really made me angry, was when she woke up happy one morning, she was vibrant and enthusiastic, and then she apologized to me for being “manic.” THIS, is the suppressive system of the psychiatric industry - where being happy and enthusiastic is considered “manic.”

I wish I could tell you that was the worst of it and end the story here, but it isn’t. I stayed with her for a short while and watched her mental health deteriorate further and further. I remember one night hearing her walk to my room, talk to “someone” she saw, and then proceed to try to microwave her pillow in the middle of the night. She also ended up attacking me in one of her psychotic-break states and I had to move out.

She thought the meds helped her, she thought the religion she had that told her she was going to hell helped her. Both of these were about as much help as cyanide is. I don’t say that without facts - her death at 35 years old is a fact. Her cause of death was undetermined but it isn’t rocket science - her mental health was deteriorating and she had tried to kill herself several times in the past while on meds too.

Granted, Mandy was drinking on meds, but if the psychiatric industry really worked, would she have needed alcohol to begin with?

I tried to tell her about independent Scientology but as much as the world thinks we’re brainwashed by Hubbard, it’s actually 10 times worse with Christianity and the psychiatric industry. Do you know the psychs actually get annoyed when their “patients” don’t take their meds? I have literally seen one get enraged and justify it with “these patients are wasting my time.”

You know it’s an incredibly suppressed world where a subject that promotes responsibility (Scientology) gets more hate than an industry with a string of sickness and death to its name.

If there was a positive side to all this, it would only be that perhaps someone stumbles across this blog one day, and decides to try independent Scientology instead of psychiatry - where he or she can find out for themselves that they’re infinitely capable instead of being “sick” and called “patients.”

I apologize for such a heavy post, but confronting evil is often gloomy, and that’s exactly what the psychiatric industry is -evil.


11th March, 2022

My Latest Wins (Mid Grade IV - OT Setups Win)

I had the most amazing wins in session today. I usually write my wins in a way that’s understandable by most, and not in a way that requires an esoteric viewpoint, but today’s is just a little hard to explain really. A lot of it had to do with things outside of the physical universe, namely, spirituality.

I was able to view something external to myself, and how this game is designed to kind of make you forget who you are -and we think it’s things like just mainstream media or suppression but it’s actually everything on this planet, anything that causes effects on us, such as food, and beauty, and yes, even sex. These are all things that are a constant “reminder” that we are bodies, but we should never forget, that’s just the game, that’s not who we really are. Another thing on this note, because we need all these things (and even worse with addictions), we are willing to trade our theta for them. Likely the biggest lie we’ve told ourselves is that “a little won’t hurt” but it actually hurts A LOT. It’s how we got stuck here in the first place.

If I’m being cryptic, I apologize. In plain English, we “sell” our beingness for havingness by committing overts of omission and commission, justifying why we did so, and reducing our responsibility in that way. Those overts become too big too confront, so we withhold the truth from ourselves, which also withholds the as-isness of being infinitely capable and responsible beings.

The bad news is, this happens so quick we often don’t spot it. It also happens just under our awareness. The good news is: Independent Scientology. It is never too late to rehab who you really are.

As infinitely capable beings, we don’t need anything. Whatever we do need and want is right at our fingertips. We already have all our deepest desires, it’s just REALIZING it and of course waiting for the universe to respond (it always does) that we need. We can control both of these, but the problem with some people is that they try to control the universe only (prayer, spells, etc) without fixing themselves first, and let’s not forget, considerations are senior to the physical universe. On a side note, I had a "Scientologist" recommend I try witchcraft about a year ago, and looking back, it really does seem like entrapment (I didn't take them up on the offer, by the way).

Another realization I had was that Scientology = cleaning your mirror. It’s kind of like not remembering what you are because you’ve dirtied your own mirror through life, and then Scientology comes along and wipes your mirror clean - or rather, gives you the sponge and soapy water.

So my dear friends, when last have you made an effort to clean your mirror? I ask because you are so mighty, so beautiful, and so incredible, and I want you to see it too. I also want you to remember that whatever you are experiencing at this moment in time, it’s not what really is, and you have the power within you to solve absolutely any problem. You’re a big big being, and if you needed a sign to do "that thing,” this is it.

Wishing you all the theta in the world to make it happen, though you already have it all within you.


9th March, 2022

Why Independent Scientology IS the Best Option for a Successful Life

I think I roll my eyes every time I see an ad about self-improvement that “guarantees” if something is followed to the T, one will “be successful.” I roll my eyes because, while the data offered may to some extent be beneficial, the truth is that if someone could be consistent at all, let alone following the steps offered, they would already be successful. I firmly believe that success is equal to consistency at the very least. One could also call consistency “the ability to hold a position in space” (which is also what power is). This could also be stability.

There were a few men in my life who I observed to be resilient. I thought at the time that the ability to hold a position in space meant to actually hold it, to keep it, and to do nothing but that. Holding a position actually does require motion - holding a position does not mean being static. To hold a position in this universe, the necessity demands one change along with whatever circumstances happen while continuing to hold onto a position, because of one fundamental law: nothing stays the same, it either gets better, or it gets worse.

If one is attempting to hold a position as a static object while things are getting worse, it’s the equivalent of stubbornly (and stupidly) staying in a burning room about to come down. I think I see that kind of thing often, where people think being stubborn is the equivalent of holding a position until the very end - holding a position simply means being able to withstand the changes and come out alright, and the best way one can do this is by personal growth.

That’s not the only ingredient to success though. Certainty is another must and one gains certainty through knowing, and you know by doing or by following others who have done. The only problem here is that sometimes our certainty is corrupted with false fixed ideas, such as being certain being a racist or a murderer is right. Or, to a lesser degree, being certain one’s finances are in good shape and will remain that way without evaluating anything.

Another ingredient to success is responsibility. I have lived in many different places and have known different people from different walks of life. The common theme for those who don’t have much in life is that they’re drinkers or smokers or addicts. They are also a lot more reactive than their more successful counterparts, and if there was anything that was really found in every person, it was that nothing was their fault -it was always the family they were in, the education they had, their past traumas, the neighbourhood they grew up in, their mental illnesses or health issues etc. Their only way of coping with their past irresponsibility was by holding their service facsimiles tightly in place. They think the position they’re holding in space gives them power, but it actually weakens them. An infinitely capable thetan doesn’t need excuses.

So, summed up success is: stability + certainty + responsibility. You also need your goals to be your own to be successful longterm, therefore, you need happiness. You also need to want it bad enough by being aggressive, you need to be composed enough, you need to be able to correctly estimate so you can be strategic in business, and you also need to be good at communication because life is entirely made up of communication.

I must appear to have taken a sharp left turn with needing so many things to be successful in life, however, they’re just the traits on the OCA/personality test. It’s also not like all those traits need to be in to be successful, but the better the OCA, the better the individual is doing in life - this is a fact based on doing hundreds of graphs for others.

To conclude, why Independent Scientology IS the best option for a successful life is because you already have all the answers inside of you, Scientology doesn’t teach you anything you don’t already know, it just reminds you and rehabs your innate self. Nothing on this planet comes close to that. So, if you want to make more money, improve your relationships, get more ethical, increase your statistics across your dynamics and more, independent Scientology IS the solution.


2 March, 2022


The sad reality that I’ve come to realize is that most people are on a search for something they will never find. They won’t find what they’re looking for because reality is relative to the viewpoint which observes it.

I didn’t have what I would call a wealthy upbringing, but my father was a hardworking man and made sure we had our needs taken care of. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I moved out at 17 with my then-boyfriend and we struggled to make ends meet. I remember being quite miserable.

Eventually, I had found a great job and was getting a good income and bought all the things I never could before. I’ll spare the predominantly-male populace of independent Scientologists with details about my pretty dresses and makeup, but I had some MEST I was proud of and thought I was going to be a happy person now and that the havingness was going to cure my depression. It didn’t, and it wasn’t too long before I became miserable yet again.

In the last two years, my finances have fluctuated along with an unstable economy thanks to the pandemic and other factors. This instability could have caused further miserableness and in the beginning it did, but there was one change. The change was that I was starting to be content even in times of major financial stress. I owe this to the several realizations about havingness that I had.

The first and most important realization I had was that havingness means nothing if your mind isn’t where it should be. The initial attainment of havingness is always fun, but that wears off and you’re left with all this accumulated MEST that you THINK is tied into your happiness. This, by the way, is also the suppressive trick of the advertising industry, or actually, capitalism as a whole. In short, if you cannot BE to some degree, your HAVE will always suck. If you’re at lower parts of the Tone Scale, what reality are you going to have when it comes to havingness? If your beingness is 1.5 (Angry) and Enforced on CDEI, you’re not just going to stay at enthusiasm when havingness is acquired. It’s the same thing with people who are higher, such as in Boredom, they’ll just drop right back down the scales once the novelty wears off. So this was the most important realization I had, was that havingness doesn’t equal lasting happiness, but that beingness does - and one ONLY gets there by raising one’s emotional tone level through auditing.

Another realization I had was that sometimes one can get into a fixation on either Be, Do or Have and the results never quite lead to happiness. The irresponsible want to Have without doing, the compulsive wants to do while neglecting Be and only avoiding painful “havingnesses” and the one in his comfort zone focusses on Be alone. Happiness and Peace exist only where all three is present. You basically have to Be a tone level while Doing the repeated actions to Have the equivalent rewards. If you’re Being Monotony and doing the work Monotonously, your havingness is not going to be that of a person in Action or Enthusiasm.

The final realization I had about Havingness was that uncle Ben was right, with great power, comes great responsibility. If I could, I’d make "Be, Do, Have” include “Keep.” It’s not uncommon to hear of people winning the lotto and losing it all shortly after. It’s not just about keeping though, some havingnesses turn into compulsions such as Christmas time overeating, or weekend overindulgence in alcohol, or like the rehabbed addict who gets out only to binge and OD. To Have, one must be responsible, or one won’t have for very long, or will abuse the things one has. I have this neighbour who every weekend selects his car as an incorrect target for correction. He attempts to “improve” or “fix” his working car by cussing, screaming, and throwing things at it while he fumbles around the car parts inside.

Please know, this post is not about cutting one’s reach, or suppressing desires, or making havingness out to be a bad thing. LRH says having in abundance is the best for survival among other things and he didn’t live like a pauper either. All I really am getting at, to summarize, is adversity (causing the need for change) and auditing helped me realize that happiness is not found in Havingness, nor is it found just in Being or Doing, it is found in all three, and when one does acquire Havingness, one needs responsibility in order to keep, maintain, and use Havingness well enough so it works for you. Going back to my first line on this blog post, I wrote that “people won’t find what they’re looking for because reality is relative to the viewpoint which observes it,” which ties into all my realizations in that most people’s reality is that Havingness is the goal of life. We see it often with Scientology even, where people sign up because they want what Tom Cruise has, and they see that the Church of Scientology has all these pretty buildings and celebrities are Scientologists and and and - all MEST. If I had anything I wish I could disillusion people on when it comes to Scientology, it’s that Scientology’s purpose isn’t to get you to have more things - it’s to get you to be happy enough with yourself so you don’t NEED those things, but they happen anyway because your responsibility goes up along with other traits too.

I’ve had a Christian upbringing, I’ve dabbled in meditation, affirmations, prayer, and other mysticisms prior to independent Scientology and nothing has given me the ability to be happy in spite of adversity, and to be appreciative of so many of the little things in life. My havingness isn’t low, I just don’t need so much stuff because I am happier on the inside, and perhaps that’s something we should take a look at - that perhaps MEST tries to fill a hole within ourselves but it cannot. MEST is the tool necessary to keep us playing the game of life, but it’s not the goal - it never was. Our mortality on this Earth only gives the apparency of MEST being a goal, and we neglect our first dynamics so much for MEST because we think it’s for us, but really it’s for other dynamics. What use is a fancy car, or surgically enhanced physical features, or several homes one doesn’t reside in or rent out if not only for bragging rights? Does it enhance our immortal and infinite capabilities in any way? Admittedly, I have bought so many things in the past that I did not need simply because I wanted to be in ARC with people (I wanted to be liked and admired). Contrary to what the advertising industry tells us, our human bodies are resilient and we don’t need that much.

I’m not trying to convince anyone to go hippie or to reduce their havingness. I really want others to have the same wins I’ve had and that’s to start focusing on what’s really important - YOU. The best thing you can do for yourself and the primary thing to do outside of basic survival is to get yourself up the Bridge. You CAN afford it, you ARE a good investment. There is no selfishness in getting yourself up the Bridge, because a happier, saner, more able you is what’s needed and wanted in this world, and if you do want the admiration of others, MEST is temporary, Beingness is permanent. People might only say once or twice that they liked your car, but they’ll always remember the person you were. Your kids are not going to remember all the things you had or didn’t, but they’ll remember the father you were. Most importantly, when you leave this earth, your MEST stays behind, but your memory lives on. For those of us that love LRH, we don’t sit and wonder how much money he accrued or left behind - we listen to his lectures and are in awe at his ability to communicate, or we watch a video of him and we wish there was more.

So, let us not forget the most important part of being an Independent Scientologist is being an Independent Scientologist. It’s not the MEST, or the awards, or the certificates, or the havingess alone -It’s getting up the Bridge so we’re not the blind leading the blind, and so we can have a saner world that starts with you.



26 February, 2022

The problem with Scientology

So I’ve finally reached a point of where I really can’t hold myself back from writing on this specific topic, mostly because last night I could finally put it into proper words. Scientology has been the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m truly grateful for everything LRH gave us - but one thing that I wish he said in his work over and over would be “do as I say, not as I do.”

Hubbard didn’t mince words when it came to types of people or industries or problems the mind faces, and so he missed others’ withholds and unintentionally made some people despise a man they never even knew. I’m not being critical of LRH, but as he even said, it’s not critical if it’s true.

That’s not the problem with Scientology, though. The problem is that I have seen first hand how people become very solid (aggressive/hostile) when trying to MAKE others do what LRH says. I have also experienced the judgment and the fixed ideas about responsibility. Some Scientologists are quick to evaluate and invalidate by throwing the words “be responsible” someone else’s way when this actually violates several rules in Scientology, such as no invalidation, no evaluation, no make wrongs, and the greatest overt is making someone else wrong for their overts. How many times must the man (LRH) say thou shalt not judge?

Whenever a Scientologist tells another person to be more responsible, I know a few things about them. 1. They’re being critical which means 2. They have overts. 3. Similar overts of their own are likely present. 4. They don’t understand the first thing about self-determinism and how force creates aberration. 5. If they do, then they’re using “responsibility” to cause aberration.

This has been one of the things I have observed within Scientology communities and in my own experience that rubs me up the wrong way - it’s our double standards (and yes, I have been guilty of it too), how we can say we are the most ethical, how we know what brings understanding (ARC), how we say things like “no inval or eval please” and how much we know about self-determinism vs. other-determinism, granting beingness, and of course the whole saving mankind thing. How does one actually care enough about an entire planet when one can’t even go further in compassion and empathy towards a single individual than making them wrong, thinking it’s their own problem and justifying it with the word responsibility? That’s a very narrow-minded and selfish viewpoint.

But unfortunately, selfishness has crept in and overtaken the subject of Scientology a lot more than one would expect, and I think I know the reason (or at least what’s true for me). If you read one of my earlier blog posts, I said that I was applying policy to everything and everyone and in short, getting into some trouble because of it. What I didn’t mention (because it wasn’t relevant at the time) was that I had also developed a bit of an ego now that I was exerting some control in some areas previously “unmanned.” I too had started to inval and eval people because of their lack of responsibility in areas and I couldn’t fathom why simple policy couldn’t just be followed. This of course meant I was at Enforced on the CDEI scale which meant that there was a lie somewhere. Why? Because all angry people are, are actually just scared individuals. And, in retrospect, that was true, I was terrified. I was afraid of failing and so I took it out on everyone else as if my responsibility was their responsibility too. It is true, there are liabilities in life, but just as much as you can’t blame others for their irresponsibility, is as much as you can’t blame the irresponsibility of others over your life.

From my viewpoint, the reason why Scientologists make others wrong for some things is because they feel like they have a free pass because of what they were subjected to and overcame - except, if they truly overcame those things, they would know that resorting to force is only a projection of their own irresponsibility. That which man can confront, he can handle. If man needs to confront the irresponsibility of others with force, he’s not confronting, he is fronting.

Scientology isn’t meant to give anyone a chip on their shoulder. Scientology doesn’t teach anyone to be egocentric. Scientology doesn’t teach one to be selfish. Those things are learned by others where true responsibility was traded in for a lie - what that lie is, only the advocate for forceful actions against others would be able to know - and perhaps their auditor.

It is no secret that Scientologists, both inside and outside of the Church have a while to go before we can convince the world we are who we say we are, and maybe that starts with being honest with ourselves, dropping the act, and finding out who we really are in session. If we know who we really are, that we really are infinitely capable, that we’re basically good beings, and that we can improve our own situations, perhaps we’d spend less time telling others their ethics are out, or that they aren’t being responsible on their dynamics etc.

Let us concern ourselves only with ourselves, not because I say so, but because responsibility is owned by every individual themselves and we cannot assign other-ownership to it. When we do, it actually has the opposite effect, we make people worse because they never get the chance to see for themselves how taking responsibility and having an ability to respond is a wonderful thing. Instead, when force is applied, responsibility becomes something to fear, something to ignore, and something to reject.

If you want to personally make this world a better place, let people be Curious about responsibility, not down lower parts of the scale. And I honestly encourage you to point out when I forget my own words, because I know I make mistakes too and I do want to be encouraged to always do my best - which keeps me at being Curious about bettering myself.

Some final words: Let’s be more interested in our own cases than others’ cases outside of session and let’s return sentences and words like granting beingness, self-determinism, and understanding to our vocabularies. Let’s remember that this is a tough physical universe and we do not walk in each other’s shoes, but we do walk alongside each other.

Thank you,


22 February, 2022

Who Scientology Won’t Work For

The Personality Test (OCA). From left to right: Stability, Happiness, Composure, Certainty, Activity, Aggression, Responsibility, Correct Estimation, Appreciation, Communication

It’s taken me a little while to reach this point but I had a realization today about why some people can’t find truth in Scientology vs. how we independents do. The summary is that it really is a statement of responsibility. When low on the Bridge, it is kind of natural to assume (when genuinely interested) that Scientology works like magic and that there will be minimal effort involved and things will just magically free up in the theta and physical universe. Sure, wonderful things do start happening early on but the point to Scientology is missed.

The purpose of Scientology isn’t to give anyone special powers. The purpose of Scientology is to help people be more able - that has nothing to do with magic gifts or sudden newfound abilities. Sure, OT phenomena exist, but these things aren’t to be treated as external abilities. All these abilities are already ours, they’re just buried deep deep down below all of our failures to take responsibility down the track.

We are all OT. When someone disagrees with the subject Scientology, they’re basically disagreeing with the fact that they are OT too. More importantly though, it tells us something very interesting about responsibility. A large part of responsibility is the ability to introspect - because if you cannot see when you are being irresponsible/unethical/wrong, you cannot learn new data very well, because you are actually your own best teacher and your biggest lesson.

Thus the reason why LRH said “Scientology does not teach you, it only reminds you.” Independent Scientology is a tool, and is not meant to replace your self-determinism, and the naysayers of Scientology (the subject) have basically made it out to be other-determined because of where they are on the Scientology scales, which again is a testament to their responsibility level.

At the crux of low responsibility, we find overts and withholds being the cause, which is funny considering LRH said the no-case gain is a continuous overt act committer. Therefore, no or low responsibility=no case gain=people who say that Scientology doesn’t work. There’s something one needs to add to that too, which is that overts make people critical. So there you have no to low responsibility plus being critical and the final additive is “for anything to persist, there needs to be a lie” - how long has Remini, Ortega, ESMB and other critics of both the Church and independents been persisting? Yep…years. I couldn’t imagine being at those low tones as my day job for years -the solidity would be just too much.

So my point is that Scientology won’t work for those who want immediate gratification and who think that one can get abilities without having to lift so much as a finger - which is actually where the low responsibility cases are in mentality unfortunately, and ironically. Of course, there’s also the fact that the above is a hidden standard which shifts the attention off of real case gain.

Independent Scientology only works when one can apply it to one’s life, and a large part of that is having the ability to apply the data to oneself as a form of introspection. If you can’t do that, if you can’t even see what’s true for you, as LRH said, you’ve lost everything.


17th February, 2022

Being in a cult - I’m coming out about it

It’s humorous to me when I hear people refer to Scientology (the subject) as a cult. Granted, I know the Church has changed its operating basis and thus makes the subject and the lot of us independents look cultish too. You know something is very wrong and when there’s a lot of misinformation out there when Scientology (the subject) is more hated and ostracized than Christianity.

I have no issues with Christians themselves, unless they’re like some of the people I grew up with - which is why I can differentiate between cults and groups that exist to better people. The main difference, is the method used to achieve their goals. Most of the time, cults operate off of fear-based techniques. I can honestly say, the only time I’ve been afraid in Scientology was when -actually, I got nothing. Scientology has this calming quality for me as it deals with facts and science and statistics. I mean, when I have blue days I think to myself “life is a game” and it instantly cheers me up because it takes the seriousness and solidity out of life.

In contrast, my Christian upbringing was nothing short of cultish. I loved my parents dearly and they did the best job they could with what they knew, but they were both influenced heavily by my aunts (who are Fear tones). Things only really started to get weird when we moved back to the city where my dad grew up in and where, incidentally, his sisters were too. I was 11 when we moved back. Some of the highlights of those years include having to throw away my posters, games, videos, and music because they were considered “evil,” not being allowed to hang out with certain kids because they too, were “evil,” and not being allowed to sit too close to the TV when Benny Hinn was exercising demons as “they’ll come through the TV and possess me.” I also couldn’t collect Pokemon figurines or Tazos (round discs with a Pokemon image on it) because they were “monsters” and one time my dad was encouraged to throw away his shell collection because the shells had “horns” on it. We had to watch what we brought into the house, who we brought in, and what came out of our mouths.

In retrospect, it wasn’t both aunts that were nuts, it was mainly the eldest who influenced the other. When I was 14, this aunt said “I had darkness around me” and after she prayed for me, I was apparently “cured” and now “had angels protecting me.” When my father passed away, she went as far as saying she was worried that my dad was cremated because those who are cremated "don’t go to heaven." She was the reason behind me having to throw away most of my stuff when I was a teen, why my other aunt lives in fear and doesn’t leave the house, and why her son is on psych meds. They don’t even have pictures of family up because they're seen as “idols.”

The worst part is, I had no idea I was in a cult, but I sure as hell was living in fear. When there were fights in the home, it was always something like “the devil’s fault” or “the house was cursed.” I used to have night terrors which results from traumatic incidents and I remember reading that and thinking “well what trauma have I experienced?” At that time, I didn’t know about emotional abuse which is exactly what Christianity uses as a tool to keep people stuck. Let me rather say, it’s what the Bible teaches. If I was bad, I was going to hell - and my aunts made sure I knew it. This one time, I even got blamed for my father’s illness because “spiritually, I wasn’t where I should be.”

Likely the worst of all these things was simply just the constant fear-mongering. There was no order to life, things just were mysterious and random and “God” could choose which prayers to answer or not. With Christianity, everything is at random, one questions nothing, one believes only what’s in the Bible. This creates obedient slaves, not people capable of critical thinking. I can honestly say, much of my early teen years I was crippled with fear. For a whole year I used to get daily panic attacks and I was sick a lot at that time too. Nightmares were always biblical and frequent, and I had for years lived with the missed-withhold of “being evil” because of the out-lists I received.

I think it gave my aunt a power trip to be an authority figure - joke's on her though, she must have missed the part in the Bible that says, “But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.”

Where am I currently? Thanks to Scientology alone I am able to remove any residual trauma from that time with auditing - I have cleared up most of it, although I am still working through some things. When things seem “spooky,” Scientology 0-8 helps me a lot, specifically the Axioms, because it’s calming to read scientific things I understand as opposed to symbology stories like Adam and Eve. I especially like how organized Scientology is, where there’s answers for everything and these answers are proven over and over again to be true in practice, whereas with Christianity there’s so much uncertainty and randomness and generalities and lack of answers.

So I’ll reiterate, the biggest difference between a cult and a group that helps, is how they go about things and if fear is used to push the agenda. Anger, force, intimidation, and negative suggestion are also frequently used tools - so if it’s Christianity or independent Scientology or another religion, if these things are used on you, run. It’s also interesting to note that some of the biggest critics of Scientology are Christian or Catholic and they use Fear as their primary weapon - if you add being a journalist, a writer, or an actor/actress to that, you’ve got yourself the same trick the elites have always pulled on people - using the public’s reactivity against them to keep them enslaved and asleep so they are easier to control.

Perhaps that was my aunt’s issue - that she had a button on control too. Whatever it was, I am glad I’m out of that situation and that I’m fortunate enough to be receiving auditing for it. I’ve also not spoken to this aunt since my father passed and this disconnection was of huge relief and benefit. The residual charge I have left on her makes a small part of me wish I could see her face when she realizes she’s coming straight back here again and not going to the promised land. I’m awful. Lol

Thank you for reading my story,


15th February, 2022

More Wins - Past, Present, Future

I’m not entirely sure when this actually stopped, so I can’t pinpoint what may have contributed to it, but I’ve recently noticed I don’t have Restless Leg Syndrome anymore. Some things that also came with that were not being able to sit still, or fidgeting with my hands or some other compulsions.

These were very annoying and it seems to come from the inability to be there and be comfortable. My biggest problem was that I was always in the future instead of Present Time (PT) and I guess these compulsions made me feel more at Cause as they gave the illusion of motion towards. That’s my take on it anyway.

I will say though, 2022 has so far been my best year in terms of confront, thanks to excellent auditing and my Pro TRs course. There’s this lasting ability to just be in the present moment and to find solutions for the present moment but not entirely disregarding the future. One can still think of the future without worrying about it. Something that also helps a great deal is not frowning and wishing on the past.

I also realized something amazing about auditing, you kind of get into the habit of only bringing  those problems up when in session, instead of daily at random intervals. You get used to allowing yourself to experience sometimes painful emotions only in session instead of brooding over things with no solution by oneself. The result is freed up attention on the things one should be doing in PT as there’s no time for irresponsibility (blame, shame, regret) outside of session.

I think we Thetans try to control things to the best of our ability (which should be correctly termed “to the best of our being on the Tone Scale”), which includes controlling the past and the future. This is why we go back or forward but the ultimate barrier is the reactive mind. With a good auditor, the past is handled so you can be more in PT, so you can be more certain of solutions of the future.

It is almost impossible trying to confront and handle PT and the future when one’s attention is stuck somewhere else on the Time Track. It is literal insanity to keep pushing forward in life without new data, while still using the same bad old data that created our problems in the first place. The only solution is auditing and training using standard independent Scientology as source material.

I always try to be honest with you about both my wins and my shortcomings, so take it from me when I say (as I’ve said many times), if you aren’t getting in session, if your Bridge journey has stopped or you’re afraid to start, auditing is the best decision you can make today. Free yourself so you can experience lasting peace, joy and happiness.


February 8th, 2022

My Overts and Withholds - Confession Time

I briefly touched on the subject on my Grade II win that my unhappiness was largely due to overts and withholds, but I’d really like to take the time to elaborate on that and how my life has improved since that very big cognition.

It’s no secret that I’ve had depression, anxiety and ADHD in the past, but something that I may not have mentioned was how these “diagnoses” tied into my overts. I didn’t mention it yet because I was planning on writing a book (I may still do that), and also because it is a very controversial thing to say outright that “mental illness = overts.”

Before any of these large industries come after me, the disclaimer here is: MY mental illness = MY overts. I’ll further add that my PTSness was my overts too.

Let’s back it up a bit and find out exactly how I got to this point. I also want to express that there will be those who take this blog post out of context and make assumptions about how much of a victim I am and how I’ve been manipulated into thinking that I’m a bad bad girl who needs to feel validated by self-shaming and propitiation to the independent field. I will make it abundantly clear here: there is nothing more liberating than knowing I have always been responsible over my own life, and that my past mistakes do not define who I am in this present moment, and no amount of prayer, meditation, medication or other practices brought me to that realization - only independent Scientology did, with my brilliant auditor Jonathan Burke at AOGP helping me, and his excellent online course room STOSA gave me further tools to improve myself.

Ok Lisa - enough with the PR right? On with the story…

Being a younger sibling, being a woman, and being in a family where the custom was naturally “women must know their place” in a Christian upbringing, I had already agreed before I even knew what agreement was that I was just destined to be at effect more than at cause over my life. I guess eventually I even embraced this at times with a “whadya gonna do?” attitude. These were some of the earliest fixed ideas I had about myself as a being.

Later, when I wasn’t even doing a good enough job at that, I considered that something was just wrong with me, I mean, the suppressives in my family sure made no qualms about letting me know I was just not cut out for this world with statements and questions like “what is wrong with you” and “are you insane?” You have that repeated enough and you start to ask yourself those questions. I wasn’t a victim - I just considered I was. Later on I added those “diagnoses” to the victim list. After some training in Scientology, I had a new item on the list: PTSness.

PTSness was the right item for me early on, but it kind of became a fixed idea, that is, until I did another personality test after some auditing and training. I couldn’t believe the results - my certainty was higher than ever before, which meant I simply couldn’t be PTS. The horror! The outrage! How dare my item not be my item! Why else was I rollercoastering? Maybe LRH was just wrong about PTSness! Maybe it really was my ADHD acting up!

I was very confused, but what I will say is this: my need of change and self-improvement was greater than my need to be right. I remembered what LRH said about “overts make one blind” (paraphrased) and I took an honest look at my stalled case, my inconsistent productivity, and my graph, and I cognited so hard that I swear I went exterior all by myself!

As a graph evaluator for AOGP, there was one thing that stood out like a sore thumb to me, and I had to eat humble pie real quick: my Responsibility column was not what I would call “ideal” by any means. I looked at the fact that I was still smoking, I looked at my weight-gain, I looked at where I was living, the friends I had, the amount of money in my bank account. It dawned on me that none of that was because of the suppressive family member, or bad circumstances, or brain chemicals or any other justifier I could think of. My entire life was a direct reflection of my choices and my responsibility or lack thereof.

My items were no longer ADHD or depression or anxiety or PTSness, my item was “irresponsibility” for the question “why does my life suck?”

This cognition became more and more clear to me as I really took an unbiased look at my life. We all want to be right in everything we do, and this rightness can blind us to anything we don’t want to look at. It can be easier to say “I’m just a woman” or “I’m just the youngest” or “I have an issue with brain chemicals” and that’s that. Somewhere I just remembered who I really am - an infinitely capable being, capable of being entirely responsible for everything I can be, do, and have.

I was just about to write about depression when I realized I cannot remember the last time I was depressed. When I had the aforementioned realization, I actually started doing things I wanted to do - in other words, I had goals. If you ask any depressed person if they have goals, I guarantee they will say no, or they will recall a time when they had goals which failed.

Anxiety? I won’t lie, sometimes I do get anxiety but I know exactly what that’s from - not executing the actions required to reach my goals. Anxiety = uncertainty. If one isn’t exercising KRC over one’s life, anxiety results.

ADHD? This was the final fixed idea I had, which was only because I didn’t exercise KRC over incomplete cycles of action.

All in all, my overts were largely overts of omission. I’d start something, fail to do something on that line, and then start something new. This created an apparent cycle of inconsistency which is a “symptom” of ADHD.

Is it any wonder why the psychiatric industry even affirms that one of the “traits” of an ADHD sufferer is being creative? Look it up. LRH says artists have a problem with stopping things. Another way of saying that is artists have a hard time with completing cycles of action. Incomplete cycles of action are overts of omission.

Ok, a lot of theory, but what is the practical application of this knowledge? Well, once a week, instead of taking daily harmful drugs like Ritalin, I simply write out my incomplete cycles, I discard the ones that were impulsive or not beneficial/practical/for survival, I complete the rest, and I write O/Ws or handle in session the ones I am struggling with. By clearing these things up, I free up A LOT of attention units (focus), I don’t have any existing overts of omission on goals causing anxiety, and because I have actual goals now (thank you, Admin Scale), I no longer get depressed.

I have changed my life in so many ways thanks to independent Scientology, and while life is certainly not perfect, I know it’s only up from here. I am causative, responsible, and capable of reaching all my goals and more, and I really want every person I meet or inspire to know that they too can come from the worst of conditions and rise up like a phoenix from the ashes.

Independent Scientology isn’t some quick fix or magic potion where one instantly becomes whatever one wishes. It’s a gradient approach to being more able, and realizing that yes, there are injustices and suppression and barriers, but that YOU are far greater and more able than anyone ever allowed you to believe, and that these obstacles are nothing in comparison to the power that you hold - you just have to be willing to find that out for yourself.


January 31st, 2022

Policy vs. Randomity

I’m at that stage in my Scientology training where I’ve just learned about how to apply admin in my life, therefore I am applying it to everything I do - probably annoyingly so. For example, I wrote somewhere about a games condition with a mosquito after midnight, which was true - and thereafter I adopted firm policy to keep my windows closed after 17:00 when in the subtropical summers of South Africa. I wrote it down.

Another policy was to close my door at night despite the heat, because other players in the game don’t keep their windows closed, therefore making my policy null and void. There was also the issue of my cat waking me up at 5am (my ironically-named cat Einstein knows how to open my door) after only getting to bed at 2am because of the mosquito feud. Clearly my 5th Dynamic doesn’t like me much.

Anyway, so I’m creating a bunch of policies on paper for the purpose of making my life easier and more ethical and organized. Now here’s the kicker! You know that thing that LRH said about problems and solutions where basically a solution for one thing creates a problem for another? Well, creating policy for everything made life so predictable that I started to get bored as there was minus randomity, which made my ethics go out (he that hath no sins go forth and cast the first stone).

Of course, keeping a policy in that aids survival against a mercilessly persistent parasite is good, but where one’s every moment of living is dictated by policy (such as daily routines), life can seem pretty mundane. At this point, I’m tempted to compare myself with an orthodox catholic school girl who’s only guilty pleasure is letting slip the words “gosh darn it” occasionally.

I kid, of course. I say way worse things.

I lived most of my life without much policy - I was an airy-fairy hippie-artist chick (without the drugs) that couldn’t stand the thought of routine and structure, and don’t even get me started on admin. Now though, I’ve started finding such joy in creating policy, and keeping it, that including randomity in the equation seems challenging.

I actually did initially include a day of randomity in my weekly policy though. Saturdays were going to be my “cheat" day/off day where there were no rules aside from doing laundry. Unfortunately though, we ARE talking about Lisa the artist here - who has a difficult time with stopping things (per LRH and especially per personal observation). Saturday turned into Saturday and Sunday which turned into recovery on Monday and so it went.

I therefore created a new policy and thought this would solve it: “Off days on Saturday, within moderation” - that didn’t work either, which lead me to having a full work week alternated between my art and AOGP. It’s been going well, except I’ve gotten bored of my art style, I don’t feel like making blogs only on Tuesdays, and I kind of miss the mosquitos.

So! How does one invent some randomity that can be stopped easily, and that’s still ethical? One way I’ve thought of, is to watch a movie every night (I tried series, but I end up binge-watching if I find one I really like). Any movie that doesn’t have Sandra Bullock in it could provide enough randomity to sate my appetite -fun fact, did you know LRH says the perfect ratio of predictability vs. unpredictability is 50/50 for us? Now you can see my trepidation - my life is 100% predictability, or pretty close to anyways. So movies and… I could try games but I have binged on games before too.

Clearly, I need some ideas. If you have any, you can write to me at or find me on Facebook and inbox me.

Hope to hear from you!

Before I go, I almost forgot to mention that I’m in the process of making some cartoons that basically explain Scientology definitions - I’m having fun with them and can’t wait to show you! The picture at the start of this blog entry is one of them.

Just to add some randomity, I’ll say ciao instead of ARC, and Scientolochick instead of Scientologirl. Nah, Scientologirl stays. :) Ciao!

28 January, 2022

A Cognition on the Suppressive Person

Something I didn’t include in my two year retrospective was something that is sometimes a touchy subject for independents - dealing with Suppressive People (SPs). I included a single line but I wanted that post to be more positive than anything.

That said, sometimes the negative must be spoken of or one simply has a very theetie-weetie outlook on life. I’m writing about it now because I had a cognition, after dealing with one very recently. I know I’ll have several independents throw the books at me stating policy says to do a comm-ev and assign conditions and blah blah.

I know this person is an SP because of what they do, they literally ARE suppressive. I won’t go around labelling this person an SP publicly because I know that’s not “standard.” Ultimately, what’s true for me is true, and with a Data Evaluators Course, PTS/SP Course, my OCA saying I can in fact Correctly Evaluate, and an IQ above 125 and improving, I’m pretty sure my evaluation is correct.

The point of this blog post however, is not really about whether I’m right or not. I just had to state that because at some point early on, I had labeled someone an SP in the field, which was a really terrible idea in retrospect! We live and we learn.

The point really is about the cognition I had on trait 12 of an SP: “The anti-social personality has a bad sense of property and conceives that the idea that anyone owns anything is a pretence made up to fool people. Nothing is ever really owned.”

One of the most frustrating things I experienced (before I took all the charge off earlier similars in session), was the absolute non-duplication and non-acknowledgement every time I’d tell some independents that “ethics is a personal thing.” This happened again with this person (they know Scientology well) -just absolutely no ack, no duplication, they just continued to ramble on about what a bad bad person someone else was and that this person needed to do the conditions assigned to them.

This is why getting auditing and training is so important, because before, I would have gotten so frustrated at the no ack, no duplication, no agreement of LRH policy. I would have tried to defend the person, I would have then had to defend my own integrity. Instead, I just carefully observed this person, what they were doing, the out-lists they were attempting to throw my way.

I realized it’s very much a case of where LRH says some people are blind to things -absolutely blind. This person had no idea that they were actually IN a conversation. They violated the communication formula repeatedly, they couldn’t confront anything I said so therefore ignored the majority of my comm. Thing is, they were only trying to be right, because being anything else would have been deadly for them.

If I would have been able to just crack something open for just a brief moment so they could see, if they actually allowed themselves to cognite on what “ethics is a personal thing” means, they would have probably been done for, because it makes them wrong on every time they’ve enforced ethics on someone else, and it means they’ve essentially created aberration in other people’s lives. They simply cannot allow that to happen so it flies over their heads each and every time - thus their service facsimiles kick in and they’re stuck there.

It was quite a thing when this person said they wished only the best for me and wished me all the happiness in the world at the end, to which I told them I was really very happy and improving my statistics daily, to which they blocked me. This person saw they couldn’t cause a bad effect, and they couldn’t have me winning, so in order for them not to be at effect, they proceeded to block me. No confront at all. Fascinating!

How this all ties into the 12th trait, is that the word personal, implies ownership. If an SP believes nobody owns anything, would he believe ethics is a personal thing? Would he even be able to see through his blindness?

LRH didn’t specifically use the word MEST when he said SPs can’t fathom others own their own things. He used “”anything,” which includes literally anything others have: rights, choices, freedom, and personal ethics.

The bottom line is, there is no good reason to assign someone else an ethics action - it’s aberrative, suppressive, invalidating, evaluative, and it caves people in. Any person who has listened to or said that “this person needs to get their ethics in and these unusual actions were necessary” is a downright liar, or they’re very confused, or they’re very blind, and their service facsimiles run the show.

LRH stood for the liberation of man, the freedom from those who wish to enslave us. Don’t fall for the trap that enforced ethics is a thing, because it’s not. They are using the tech incorrectly to harm, not heal, and they give the rest of us a bad name. They are the ones that make Scientology look like a cult, and that’s the “Scientology” that people are afraid of.

I like the Scientology that has me putting my own ethics in. I love learning about my case and having wins and cognitions and I love sharing those with everyone. I love helping new people understand independent Scientology better. All of these things make me very happy to be here with all of you, and I really appreciate the beingness I’m granted as I make my way up the Bridge, even if I stumble sometimes!

I really love the communities we have online and how we do support each other. For a while, I’ll admit, I saw Facebook groups as a dangerous environment, but that’s what SPs do… They instil fear and doubt and uncertainty to divide and conquer. The truth is that there are agents in the field, some are more obvious than others, but they exist. Let us keep our tech in, let us continue to support each other, and stand for freedom, and work towards a brighter future for all. Let’s practice granting beingness (including of ourselves) more, and just simply BE a third dynamic.

I’m willing to chat to anyone about anything, anytime I’m awake, so if you need a friend, call on me.

ARC, Lisa -Your Scientologirl


25 January, 2022

A Two Year Retrospective

It’s been two years since I joined Independent Scientology and I thought I’d write about the experience as a blog post. It’s been a wild ride and I’m ready to share the good moments, the not so great moments, and everything in between!

We don’t know what we don’t know and before doing Scientology in this lifetime, I have to say, I really thought I knew it all early on. I was kind of like an infant stumbling everywhere while at the same time proclaiming “I got this!”

Do I look back with embarrassment at these situations? I honestly don’t, because it’s a testament to where I am now vs. where I was. In case you missed out on any of these things, some of my most “finest” moments were:

Attempting to be Deputy Executive without any admin skills.

Attempting to stop our org’s SPs (which, if you know anything about how hard it is for an artist to actually stop something, it would crack you up).

Attempting to unify the independent field simply on the basis of “that would be nice.”

Consistently creating things trying to apply the Non Existence formula without actually finding out what’s needed and wanted.

And lastly, even with Scientologists, first impressions count, so if I had any regrets it would be that because of these things and others, I lost friends along the way through ARC breaks.

I just have to add, Grade II and III are excellent Scientology grades to repair these things, at least for oneself.

My better moments included:

  • Absolutely absorbing the technology of L. Ron Hubbard (LRH) through my 11 completed courses and getting auditing
  • Making my YouTube channel “Scientologirl” and receiving all the love and support I have since starting it.
  • Marrying the ED  (Jonathan Burke) of AOGP (The Advanced Organization of the Great Plains AOGP)
  • And lastly, meeting some of the most wonderful beings I’ve ever known this lifetime

The things I’ve learned thus far:

You don’t know what you don’t know, therefore others don’t know what others don’t know - so grant beingness across flows, even if it’s the hardest thing to do sometimes

Don’t be too quick to be critical (although this is largely handled on grade II more than anything)

You can’t force yourself to be better than you are, in fact, if you try to forcefully change who you are, the reactive mind is going to eat you alive - change only comes from Understanding

The same can be said for changing one’s circumstances. I recently learned about policy and I tried to apply it to myself AND others (boy that was stupid) and when everyone kicked up against it I didn’t understand, I got frustrated, and I just tried to apply Danger by bypassing juniors and let’s just say I now TRULY understand that ethics is a personal thing!

There’s a compulsive need in all of us to be right (as a thetan must be right in order to survive) but that isn’t what one should be trying to do when communicating. One communicates to receive answers - that’s the very basic thing about communication, which I would sometimes drop out. My personal relationships with others have improved greatly since realizing this and applying it.

I’ve learned that any problem with anyone can be resolved, unless one is dealing with someone entirely bank-driven and has a compulsive need to be right (even if very wrong)

All of these are amazing things I’ve learned a long the way, but likely, the most incredible thing I’m still learning as I become more and more causative is how to be Interested. Work, relationships, friendships, family, life - when one is so busy trying to survive on any of these areas/dynamics, one can easily forget to be interested in life. We ran a process the other day where the question was “What’s interesting about ___” and I never realized I could be so interested in just about everything! How happy babies and young children must be, to have such wonderful interest consistently in everything around them until they somehow learn not to be interested anymore.

It wouldn’t matter who you were, what you did, where you were, what transport you had, or anything of the sort that pertains to the ego - you’d just BE.

That’s the goal of my Independent Scientology journey now - from being Interesting and at effect (and I really was), to being very much interested in my own case, the people around me, and everything in between. Perhaps we all get into Scientology as a means to be more right than wrong, to survive better, to be interesting and to fix ourselves and our problems, only to find that the only way of truly surviving well is by simply being interested. It starts by being interested in your own case and willing to talk to the auditor. The rest comes easy.

I think I’m well on my way to developing “that strange thing that only Scientologists do with the eyes where it feels like they’re looking into your soul,” - I now identify “that strange thing” as being interested, something us Scientologists are privileged to have the ability to do, and it very much is an ability.

With every course, every lecture, and every auditing grade I do, I always say “Ok, that’s it, I’m OT, thank you, I know it all now” because it’s incredible just how much one’s awareness increases. You think you’re doing pretty ok in life, then all the mockups come crashing down and you’re left with what really is, and that’s when you start enjoying life as it really is. But hey, what do I really know? 🙂

If you’re looking for a time to start auditing, there’s no better time than now.

Thank you for reading!

As always, Much ARC,

Lisa - your Scientologirl

P.S. - The world can take away everything you have, but they can never take away everything you are - unless you allow them to.


4 Jan, 2022
Suppressives and Friends

“And people will defend the most fantastic wrongnesses on the basis that they are being right.” ~L. Ron Hubbard

L. Ron Hubbard made no errors in elaborating clearly that beings are always trying to be right in everything they do - including in their communication.

We see this every day and some people choose professions simply on the basis of trying to be right - such is the case with some psychiatrists, where they can be right in a system that makes others wrong.

The difference between right and wrong in this context, and also between helpful and being critical, is intention. This is why third party rumor is not just dangerous, but also pointless, unless one’s intention is to do harm as it doesn’t aid in anyone’s survival except perhaps the gossiper/third party. Watch out for those people especially - if they are telling you what Jane and Peter and John are doing, they’re likely telling others what you’re doing, and likely the truth is distorted to suit their own aims, which are always in some way destructive.

Being a “concerned friend” can often be the justifier for the gossip, but a concerned friend should be able to have open communication with their friends, not other people. As LRH says, when in doubt, communicate.

I personally don’t pay any attention to gossip and discourage it vehemently when others wish to relay communications of others. There simply is no sane way to handle a situation through third party as adults and it always brings about difficulty.

I admit, in my early days in learning Scientology, I had gone out of personal integrity to remain in ARC with others in social groups. I had even done it within my organization. I have since learned that nothing good comes from it. Two adults should be able to consolidate their friendships or acquaintances when upsets occur, if they’re truly adults.

This is also the reason why I’ve stepped away from the independent social scene on Facebook: actual independent Scientologists get into being there and communicating with third party, making them go mutual out-rudiments as overts, then withholds, and things just get worse and worse from there, leading to the insanity that is “ethics” actions as Knowledge Reports and Conditions assignments which actually, aren’t ethics at all, they’re using the system of ethics to enforce justice upon others. They haven’t a clue on what ethics actually is. Ethics is for survival, not punishment.

Don’t get me wrong, the independent field has some wonderful people in it, willing to make a decent society, a sane community, and ready to build one another up so we can all work towards common goals, but there are a few bad apples. Just as there are SPs in the whole world, so there must be in the independent field. To consider that the Church gets it wrong each and every time they label someone suppressive, is wishful thinking. Thus I think we have quite a few actual SPs amongst ourselves if the Church is spitting them out, to be frank (this is my opinion, not proven factual).

One needs to always look at intention, or at the very least, look at “how does what people do and say influence our survival." One can’t be wrong ALL the time, and if someone points out our apparent wrongnesses ALL the time, watch out for that guy. Even if some of our actions are wrong, are they quick to point it out? Do they ever give praise on things that are right? Do they refrain from complaining on the little things? All things one could observe.

In observing the influence of their communications or actions toward our survival (whichever dynamic), it’s very simple to do. You just look, you use obnosis, there are no assumptions involved. If I’m getting ready to do a Scientologirl video and a friend says I look bloated in my face, that’s being critical as I can’t do anything about it at that very second. If however, the friend offered to give me a hair clip as the hair behind my ears would not stay behind my ears, that’s helpful. If you just bought a new car and your father commented on how much better your brother’s car is, that’s being critical. If your father gave you the number of his mechanic just in case for future, that’s helpful. On a completely unrelated note, if one had financial troubles and one’s friends publicly shamed him, called him a con artist, and set up a campaign to destroy his reputation all in the name of ethics and “help,” that’s being critical. If one on the other hand tried to help this friend per the Code of honor by LRH, and by everything we stand for as Scientologists, by privately encouraging ethics assistance or giving assistance without judgment, that would be help.

Indeed, there are a very many aberrated individuals who practice Scientology Outside the Church for a reason, and for those who have eyes and ears and can even remotely evaluate data, who can recognize outpoints, and who use obnosis to guide them, it’s very easy to differentiate between the ones trying to create a sane future, and the ones trying to crush those around them with misunderstood policy.

One could entirely leave out such things as love, compassion, brotherhood, feelings, and affinity, and simply focus on whether or not the actions and communication were aberrative or not. LRH says, “communication is aberration when the emanating communication was sudden and non sequitur to the environment - here we have a violation of attention and intention.” And this folks, is the crux of the entire problem. We’re too quick to pass judgment and to be critical of others creates, this CAUSES aberration as the emanating communication was sudden and non sequitur to the environment.

Moral of the story: keep your nose out of others’ business unless your intention is to help for the greater good, and if your true intention is to harm in the name of help such as by applying squirrel ethics, remember that is a trait of a suppressive. If you’re going around third partying others, that’s another suppressive trait. If you’re worsening the communication and passing that along as truth, that’s suppressive. If you have people around you who are struggling in life and not succeeding, you may just be suppressive. If you’re selecting the wrong target for, say, ethics actions, that’s suppressive. If you’re raging against and attacking helpful groups, actions or activities, and only approve of destructive actions (such as siding with other suppressive personalities), you might be suppressive. If it drives you crazy to see good people winning and helping others, you might be suppressive. If you believe that nobody owns anything, including owning rights to happiness, beingness, privacy, and prosperity, you might be suppressive. And, if you absolutely don’t think you’re a suppressive despite doing suppressive actions, you very well may be a suppressive as a suppressive has no ability to introspect.

I suppose then, that the above was written for nothing, but at the very least it indicated BPC (Bypassed Charge) for me. The real why as to why these things occur at all, and why we can’t just boot the 2%, is because we’re desperate. That is the only rational reason I can come up with on why anyone would stand for such insanity in the field - at the very least why we, as the so-called most ethical and sanest people on the planet can’t simply help each other by using the tech, and need to resort to “unusual actions” against one another.

Bullies exist. They exist larger than ever right on our doorstep, and as LRH says, the people you’d least expect to be suppressive can be suppressives.

But life is not black and white, and more often than not, the people at the forefront are simply PTS and doing the dirty work of those in the background. Where there’s unfounded criticalness in the form of squirrel ethics actions as KRs, Conditions, third party, or public displays of criticism of the person or his creates, there’s overts. That’s a simple rule and it works every time. My criticalness is not unfounded, nor is it so much critical as it is observations based on personal experience and statistics.

All this said, a great comfort one can have is that suppressives can only do harm if one allows them to. Personal integrity and responsibility are senior to anything they can throw at one. Let’s keep our ethics in so they don’t have a fighting chance, shall we?

Let’s all Flourish and Prosper in 2022, and help our friends wherever possible.

Much ARC,

Lisa - your Scientologirl